That's where I am now...if anyone here even cares.

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username autumnofnewbury

I am posting some lyrics, from my fav Peter Murphy song!!

This is I'll Fall With Your Knife


To the crowd
To the world
You were so dry
And with the token bird I made
Send it to fly right to your side
With the broken wing you sailed
Oh like winter in July
A barren river wide
I'll pray for the flood
To wash on you
It's here I'll be with you

Well if the birds can reach the sky
To this land I'll be with you
'Til the sun bursts from your side
With my hands I reach to you
When you think your chance is passing by
When you blow your moon away
I'll bleed like the reed
Fall with your knife
It's here I'll be with you

I'll fall

This is Rooks and my song, and I cannot think of anything but him when I hear it. It's on Peter Murphy's Wild Birds cd *if you don't own it, buy it*

Tang

I am off, to Chico, to go and party!!! Somethings are cool about my old hometown, one of those things is Halloween!

I will scan some pics, of me, Rooks, and the beehive!

Tang

Okay, so I did it, I shut my mouth, stopped talking about it and I did it. I fired off an e-mail to Bill, and what's going to happen? Absolutely nothing. That's okay though, I have given up on Bill's ability to say something similar in return, like, "I am sorry I cheated on you" or even, "I am sorry about the way things went." See this is what is wrong with the world. When we no longer want to writhe and twist on the knife we created, there is simply no one who wants to let us off.

This is what I find interesting about breaking up, when there is no one left to go home to in your life, you feel kinda hollow, at first. Then the feeling of "I can date anyone I want" sets in. This is where most people do something stupid, and Bill got his new and current girlfriend, a week after I had been sleeping in his bed. This is where I could simply not find someone to settle down with, so maintained good friendships with the beaus I was considering, ie Rooks...and the Venezuelan man...Then you get comfortable again. This is where I started dating Rooks, and Bill's relationship began to deteriorate.

So how are people supposed to handle being dumped? Is it possible to just smile and walk away? I don't think so! It has to be gut wrenching, the divying up of one's stuff is truly symbolic to what has just happened, you are not going to see this person again for a long long while. What do yo do if you don't get your stuff back? You call, try to act nonchalant, and ask for it back. When you get off the phone, you feel so upset you sit down, cry a little, and call someone. If you're stupid like me, you tell that person how you feel, even though you don't know if that's how you feel anymore, but you don't want to change it. Even if it was wrong to begin with. Then, in the case of Bill, that person can't handle what you have to say. They get angry, you get angry, viola, grudges are now formed.

So maybe I should send Bill a link. Maybe he will know what I am trying to say...probably not. The chances of this angering Bill are highly probable. Bill doesn't seem to get the concept of closure. I just want to take the knife out of my side for once and for all. Rooks deserves it.

Tang

Tonight I say goodbye to a fond memory of times past. After a lot of thinking, I finally closed a chapter in my life that needed closing. I said sorry to someone I used to love, and I feel more nostalgic now than I have in quite sometime.

Isn't it weird to say goodbye to someone who's body you knew, who you knew what would make them smile, laugh, cry?

Then later, you wonder, what was I thinking? Ignoring the times you spent, and the way it used to make you feel. Then you meet someone else, and in rapture, you forget what you left behind, and they in-turn, forget you.

So now, another chapter of my life closes, while the one that is open strengthens. It's funny how it works that way.

Maybe that's what life is about, loving and then learning, then learning and then loving.

Tang

I am feeling like a shadow of myself, and I wonder where I am going, while walking down the one-way road in the wrong direction, and feeling lost despite the urge to go home.

Has any girl ever imagined being stalked by another girl? I didn't, not until I met Maz. Maz is a sweet girl, but wierd, and eerie. That's putting it nicely!

Okay, I am feeling much more light-hearted this week! What's that you ask? A light-hearted goth? Well here it is, a new cameo from Tangy the PerkyGoth!!!!

So what is a "PerkyGoth" you might ask? Well, it's a goth, who can dress goth, and look goth, without having to mourn about the cancerous sun eating out their heart.

How do I become a "PerkyGoth"? Well, all you have to do is have a short-attention span, and do whatever you like. PerkyGoths smile. They joke. They do whatever feels good to them at any givein moment.

Hence, today, as my first day as a "PerkyGoth" I am wearing grey. All grey. To celebrate grey, not black. Does that mean that I should have gotten a grey cat, not a black cat? Should I have left my walls white, instead of painting them black, and wishing I could now make them grey? Does this mean that I have to DEVOTE MY LIFE TO A NEW COLOR? Change my entire closet to fit my passion for grey...after years of perfecting the "black" look?

If you and your family want to learn more about PerkyGoths, you can check out these great books...er...websites to get more information:

http://www.odk.com/wilson/goth/manifesto.html



New Topic: Rooks' Birthday is Thursday!!! No nude pics please! That's for me to do! Well, I don't know what to get him yet, I have an idea, but it seems a little too much, and I want to make sure things are perfect.

I am going now, the buzzer is going crazy.

Tang